And what are you doing on Sunday Night ....?

at MIDNIGHT!!

WHO IS HE??

Is he deluded? Is he a madman? Or is he really the love expert he claims to be?

Sunday Nights - MIDNIGHT to be precise, the Count rules the Manhattan Cable Network on Channel 69. The Dr. Ruth of the Graveyard set, dispenses his brand of superficial love advice to thousands of lonely Manhattanites.

How does the Count keep viewers awake at that hour?

The Count keeps his lonely viewers' bloodshot eyes from fading into oblivion by parading across the screen a bevy of scantily-clad (dare we say ... sometimes NAKED) 'hoochie koochie' girls, Cheerleaders, hot tub girls, wet tee shirt entrants ... even the 'girl-next-door' who's had you lusting after her since the first time you accidentally pulled your Levi's zipper right into 'Mr. Love Muscle.'

C'mon ... anything really to SWILL my LOVE JUICES???

The Count reviews the hottest Sex pick up videos, flirtation books, techniques and contraptions designed to make you more popular with either the opposite sex or barnyard animals, whichever you may prefer!.

What's the story NYC Papers have been writing about the Count's VOICE?

He's been mentioned several times in NYC papers. Most have said that 6 feet isn't deep enough to bury him! Here's what one reviewer said about his voice.

Randi Sikes in 'TV-FAN' wrote,

"The Count comes across like a boom box on overload ...tiny TV speakers have been known to hiss, crackle AND CRUMBLE upon his opening utterances! My dog tends to hide in the closet, moments before the opening credits. Nobility ....??? More freakish than Noble! A voice like Ophrah Winfrey on steroids. I watch the show religiously each week. I still don't know why. Maybe he's the reason why New Yorkers are so miserable Monday mornings!"

Can I send the Count a question and will he answer it on the air?

Yes! But don't expect a rational answer. For example, on more than one occasion, the Count has suggested to his more timid viewers that they should practice their pick up lines on small animals before they attempt to try them on the human species) .

Will he show my photo 'on the air' for me?

The Count especially likes to show viewers photos. The stranger .. the better. Some of the photos are so depressing, they would make Richard Simmons cry. Most of the viewers who send in their picture look like they've been participating in a marathon ..... a marathon Betty Crocker eating spree).

Do viewers really MAIL in THEIR UNDERGARMENTS???

This is something the Count does not understand. Elvis and Tom Jones would get women's undergarments thrown up on the stage whenever they sang. They were usually perfumed and pretty new. The Count's fans on the other hand send him THEIR SOILED UNDERGARMENTS, broken Woolworth facial massagers and various mechanical devices meant to either .... prod cattle or as a replacement for the opposite sex.

Does the Count get a lot of fan mail from WOMEN???

Letters come in regularly promising undying love for the Count. Unfortunately for the Count, they all happen to be prison inmates!

So the Count is really A NICE GUY!!! RIGHT???

There's not much one can say about the Count that hasn't been said before. As he himself is quick to mention, 'He is one Hunky Dory .. kind of a guy!' But believe me ... lock the doors at night ... cuddle up in a warm blanket ... wear a cross and keep a bottle of holy water beside the bed ... the Count is quite certifiable and no one denies .. quite frightening at times!

When can I watch him again ????

Pull up a chair, grab a V8 and join the Count and his merry band of cryptmates - Vampira Kristin, Cousin Ghoulie, Shadow Man and the 'Kayaking Duo' - Bob and John on Count Devio's Midnight Snack / Sunday Night - Monday Morning - CH. 69 - Manhattan Cable Access

But .. I don't get Manhattan Cable here!!!

Move !!!!!